So I’m dating again….and it’s very frustrating to be at a loss at something you used to be so very good at. But these guys have the upperhand because I haven’t dated in almost two years and the things I was focusing on at that time were so on the other part of the spectrum. I mean these guys have been dating while I was on hiatus or at least in relationships so they have a clue.
And I find that I no longer have the give-a-damn to play the games that dating involves. I’m the type that if I don’t think it’s appropriate to say exactly what I think or feel, then I keep my mouth shut. I don’t like all this guessing stuff. Why can’t people just be like, “I like you. I’m glad we did this. Let’s do it again.” or “I’m really not feeling this at all but thanks for coming out.” Why is it, “I’ll call you.” Because I automatically go, “That dude just put me in his reserve tank.” Last time I checked, I’m not a ration….
I don’t know. Maybe I changed TOO much in the time that I was seeing to my family. And I’m not saying, “Oh, woe is me, please feel sorry for me.” I’m stating plainly that I have changed. Because I say what I mean and I mean what I say. And sometimes I tend to forget that others don’t share that mantra.
And then I get the, “What are you afraid of?”. I really hate that question. So let’s clear it up here….I’m not afraid of emotion. I’m not afraid to feel. I’m not afraid to put myself out there. But I reserve emotion for when it’s called for. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I never have and I never will. I’m not going to go around and just throw it all out there. I’m reserved until I see that it’s time to drop my reservations or that my reservations no longer apply to a certain person.
See? It’s really annoying. This whole dating game thing. Because I don’t think I fit into it anymore. But at the same time, if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never get anything back. So what’s a girl to do?
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